Tore My Heart To Pieces

Normally, I feel fulfilled whenever I give good advices to people who have problems; whether it is about life in general, about love or just about anything. But I recently realized that there’s always an exception to the rule.

I newly broke up with the most amazing guy that I’ve ever met in my entire life. It turned out that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend so I decided to end the relationship before I even fall deeply in love with him and get hurt in the end. I regret that I didn’t give “us” a chance. My friends advised me to give him at least two months and if he still feels the way he does then that’s the time I should let go. But I thought to myself, by that time I would probably have deeper feelings for him and it would hurt me more if I’ll have to let him go. So I’ve decided to end it early. Probably, it was never meant for us to be together.

I determined to play along and help him out with his problems with her. Little did I know that I was pushing him to get back with her, and there I was, hurting even more than the break up did. I wasn’t aware that I was being a martyr again; still holding on to the thought that if I stayed, he’d probably realize that I was better. Indeed I am, he said so himself but I just wasn’t the one he’s in love with. That’s the horror of love, it’s like a poison that devours the whole you, and it’s like a trap that you can’t escape no matter how painful it is, no matter how heart-breaking it is, you will endure.

I can’t beat that! He was way too much in love with her to even see me. So I cut the relationship short. But I didn’t cut the communication. I played the martyr ex-girlfriend cum best friend. And every time I give him an advice on what to do next, it pains me more than I could possibly bear. It’s too late to bail out now. I was too involved now that it would hurt me more to leave him just like that.

Although I am suffering, I know that at least someone is getting his broken heart healed even at the expense of my own happiness.

APATHY is the opposite of LOVE and not HATE

People say that the opposite of love is hatred. Well, I disagree! Actually, the opposite of love is apathy. For example, after a break up, If you are still feeling hatred towards your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend it means you are still affected; Meaning, you still have feelings for that person. So the equation is HATE = LOVE. It is true: The more you hate the more you love! But if you no longer feel anything no matter what happens with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, then that's apathy. It means you have already passed that stage and moved on. It means you're totally over him/her already. It is when you are totally not affected anymore that you can truly say that you no longer love the person. So the equation would be: LOVE/APATHY

Mind Over Matter

It is a matter of conditioning the mind into something you are not accustomed to.

I think I have a mild separation anxiety disorder. To understand this illness, let me just give you a brief explanation of what this disorder is all about.

Definiton of separation anxiety disorder according to WIKIPEDIA:
Separation anxiety disorder is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (like a father and mother). It becomes a disorder when the separation reaction becomes strong enough to impair peoples ability to conduct their day to day lives and relationships.

The following are symptoms of Separation Anxiety Disorder:

1. Recurring distress when separated from the subject of attachment (such as significant other, the father or the mother, or home)


2. Persistent, excessive worrying about losing the subject of attachment


3. Persistent, excessive worrying that some event will lead to separation from a major attachment


4. Excessive fear about being alone without subject of attachment


5. Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure, like a significant other or mother


6. Recurrent nightmares about separation

I have the symptoms numbers 1, 2 and 4.

Separation anxiety is different from separation anxiety disorder. For more details please refer to this site: http://anxietypanichealth.com/reference/separation-anxiety-disorder-adult/

My mom has separation anxiety disorder and so do I. Although, there were no studies which says that it is hereditary but I think I have acquired it from her (not inherited) And I believe that it has something to do with how your childhood had been.

My mom worries too much whenever I am out of sight. She wants me to call every now and then to let her know how am I doing. Eventhough that I am already 30 years old, she still can't manage to be separated from either of us, her children. It took me a year to convince her that I wanted to go abroad for work.

But I realized I have separation anxiety disorder as well. I noticed this after my recent break up. I looked back and realized that I have been like this for all of my past romantic relationships and even to my friends. It took me two years before I totally got over with my very first romantic relationship. And up to this minute I still have a communication with my ex boyfriend whom I have been with for 6 years. I couldn't let go! And i didn't know that I have separaton anxiety disorder until I split up with my recent ex boyfriend and read an article about this illness.

I understand the mechanism behind this psychological disorder. IT IS ALL IN THE MIND! But anyone who has a separation anxiety disorder would agree that it is difficult to overcome.

I kept on hanging to the thought that I could keep my now ex boyfriend, but I was totally wrong. I was keeping in touch with him for the last month. I was the one who broke up with him and I know very well that I will not get back with him for a lot of reasons but it was hard to let him go. I still want to keep him as my friend but it seems that it is impossible for lovers to become friends. Maybe in time but not right after the break up. I don't want him to go and not talk to me and it's crippling me in the sense that I am missing him so much that I spent the nights crying my heart out till i fall asleep and my work is affected. I couldn't work! But then I realized that I was making this difficult not only to myself but to him as well. I am hurting him more in this situation because I am being selfish. It's making him hold on to the romantic relationship that was not there anymore. And the worse part is I have always been like this. ALWAYS!

I need to do something about it.

Upon realizing this, I tried my very best to pull myself back together and be strong to fight this fear of losing him. I am worried that I will never be able to be loved again. I am afraid that no one would actually fall for me ever again. Even though at the back of mind I know that it is not true, because I know that I am worth loving ; but this fear is prevalent in me which existed for a very long time hiding somewhere unnoticed. But above all this worries, my "giving" personality reigns and though I was suffering too much, I finally let him go this morning and promised myself that I will not contact him ever again.

THE BREAK UP!

How many of you who can tell me that they broke up with their significant other and were happy? For those who said "I", I envy you, for those who remained silent, I empathize with you.

Breaking up is never easy for both sexes especially if both still have feelings for each other. For whatever reason that a couple should part ways, it was always difficult and normally it is VERY painful. I should know the feeling because I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I caught him flirting with other women and up to this very minute, he's denying it. It's a long distance relationship and I have never seen him in person yet. But we planned to see each other after two years. I guess that it will never happen anymore.

I am in so much pain right now. There are no words to describe how I truly feel at the moment. Even though that I only met him online, I gave my heart and soul for this relationship; because that is who I am. When I love somebody, I am truthful and faithful. I always give my 100% love and devotion.

“BREAK-UP” means goodbye. Goodbye to the person you loved, goodbye to the relationship, and goodbye to the feelings of both happy and sad. But “BREAK-UP” also means HELLO! Hello to the new world away from your former love, possibly hello to a new love, hello to a possible new relationship and hello to a new and exhilarating feelings.

I am not saying that one should enter another relationship right after the break up. Because I know it won’t be easy. What I am saying is that there is something worth to look forward to. I know! I know! You guys are telling me that it’s easier said than done. Yes! I agree with you. I am in the situation now and I am hurting terribly but what can I do? Anyway, as I was saying, one should mend his/her heart first and make himself/herself whole again in order to give love and be loved again.

So to those who are mourning for the loss of their former love, this is for us. Let’s hope that things will be better for us in the future.

What you don't know won't hurt you.

I'm sure a lot of women out there can relate to what I am about to say.

Women are nosy.

Oops! Hold your horses! Don’t gnash your teeth ladies. You know I am telling the truth. Whether you admit it or not, most women are always too interested with what is going on especially if it involves their significant other. And I am not an exception to that. I admit that I have become nosy since I started my long distance relationship with my American boyfriend. I am a Filipina and I’m currently working in Doha, Qatar. I met my man when I was still in the Philippines.

Ok! so much for the introduction; back to the real issue.

I have never been like this before. I have had relationships with men before but I was never the jealous type, I was never snooping around. I normally trust my significant other wholeheartedly. But suddenly, it changed. Just recently I started checking his yahoo messenger waiting for messages from women in his list. I'm glad there are none. I know I would be hurt if I did find some messages with other women most especially if it is something like flirting.

It is not his fault that I changed for the worse. It is my choice. I do know that it is an invasion of his privacy but I can’t help it. I have always trusted him with regards to our relationship and his feelings towards me. But sometimes, I’m just too curious if he’s really telling the truth or not.

I started digging in and that includes his blog posts, his messages, etc…

The DILEMMA!

I found something unexpected in one of the conversations he had with some lady he met on line as well. I kept it to myself for a short period of time until I can no longer hold it. I confronted him regarding this matter. Guess what happened???

Yup! You are right! We ended up fighting and I started crying.

Just recently, I found out that although he is with me, he is still open for other relationships. I read a conversation with somewhat a little flirting. He was trying to tell the girl that he is not sure about me because I am miles away. And that he's not sure whether we'll be together or not. With the way he had said those words, it is indicative that he's telling her that he's open for a relationship other than with me. The worst part is that, the girl is married and is flirting with him too. With messages like "If i wasn't married I will call you but I am faithful, very faithful". WTF (excuse me for my words). I wasn't born yerterday. It is flirting!

I tell you, THAT HURTS!!! (terribly)

What hurts the most is here you are trying to be faithful while you’re boyfriend is somewhat fooling around.

Sometimes, it’s better not to pry because it will just hurt you more than you could possibly bear. The good thing though is that, you already knew even before the relationship got deeper and deeper.

So ladies, WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT YOU!

I don't really believe in that saying. I'd rather know the truth no matter how painful it is as long as what I know is the truth. I hate liars! And I am having difficulty trusting someone who has lied to me. I mean what is the point in lying when sooner or later you would be telling the truth? Besides, it is easier to accept things and to forgive when someone is being honest and sorry rather than be mislead with a lie because eventually the truth will come out.

"A Lie Is A Lie." There isno exception whether it be a white lie or whatever type of lies. It is always better to tell the truth. Like the good old saying goes, "The truth will set you free." Lying does no good. It ruins trust which will lead to the end of whatever relationship that you are in...friendship, romantic relationship etc...

SO GUYS ALWAYS BE HONEST! No matter how painful it is.