Mind Over Matter

It is a matter of conditioning the mind into something you are not accustomed to.

I think I have a mild separation anxiety disorder. To understand this illness, let me just give you a brief explanation of what this disorder is all about.

Definiton of separation anxiety disorder according to WIKIPEDIA:
Separation anxiety disorder is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (like a father and mother). It becomes a disorder when the separation reaction becomes strong enough to impair peoples ability to conduct their day to day lives and relationships.

The following are symptoms of Separation Anxiety Disorder:

1. Recurring distress when separated from the subject of attachment (such as significant other, the father or the mother, or home)


2. Persistent, excessive worrying about losing the subject of attachment


3. Persistent, excessive worrying that some event will lead to separation from a major attachment


4. Excessive fear about being alone without subject of attachment


5. Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure, like a significant other or mother


6. Recurrent nightmares about separation

I have the symptoms numbers 1, 2 and 4.

Separation anxiety is different from separation anxiety disorder. For more details please refer to this site: http://anxietypanichealth.com/reference/separation-anxiety-disorder-adult/

My mom has separation anxiety disorder and so do I. Although, there were no studies which says that it is hereditary but I think I have acquired it from her (not inherited) And I believe that it has something to do with how your childhood had been.

My mom worries too much whenever I am out of sight. She wants me to call every now and then to let her know how am I doing. Eventhough that I am already 30 years old, she still can't manage to be separated from either of us, her children. It took me a year to convince her that I wanted to go abroad for work.

But I realized I have separation anxiety disorder as well. I noticed this after my recent break up. I looked back and realized that I have been like this for all of my past romantic relationships and even to my friends. It took me two years before I totally got over with my very first romantic relationship. And up to this minute I still have a communication with my ex boyfriend whom I have been with for 6 years. I couldn't let go! And i didn't know that I have separaton anxiety disorder until I split up with my recent ex boyfriend and read an article about this illness.

I understand the mechanism behind this psychological disorder. IT IS ALL IN THE MIND! But anyone who has a separation anxiety disorder would agree that it is difficult to overcome.

I kept on hanging to the thought that I could keep my now ex boyfriend, but I was totally wrong. I was keeping in touch with him for the last month. I was the one who broke up with him and I know very well that I will not get back with him for a lot of reasons but it was hard to let him go. I still want to keep him as my friend but it seems that it is impossible for lovers to become friends. Maybe in time but not right after the break up. I don't want him to go and not talk to me and it's crippling me in the sense that I am missing him so much that I spent the nights crying my heart out till i fall asleep and my work is affected. I couldn't work! But then I realized that I was making this difficult not only to myself but to him as well. I am hurting him more in this situation because I am being selfish. It's making him hold on to the romantic relationship that was not there anymore. And the worse part is I have always been like this. ALWAYS!

I need to do something about it.

Upon realizing this, I tried my very best to pull myself back together and be strong to fight this fear of losing him. I am worried that I will never be able to be loved again. I am afraid that no one would actually fall for me ever again. Even though at the back of mind I know that it is not true, because I know that I am worth loving ; but this fear is prevalent in me which existed for a very long time hiding somewhere unnoticed. But above all this worries, my "giving" personality reigns and though I was suffering too much, I finally let him go this morning and promised myself that I will not contact him ever again.